Thursday, April 24, 2008

13 Thursday

I have a great idea for a hit reality show. You take all those (mean) women who give young mothers dirty looks in the supermarket and make them go through a series of challenges based on real life experiences. They would be voted off based on the amount of new gray hairs and number of times they snap, "because I said so!" Oh yeah, and of course they would lose points for every dirty look they receive. heh heh
We'll call it Reality Check or Parenthood Refresher or Get Over Yourself This Used to be You. These challenges are designed to give them a little reminder of the fact that it's not always snuggles and laughter. It's 13 Thursday so ...

13 Challenges:
  1. For the first challenge, everywhere they go, someone will touch them on their stomach. Ideally on the fattest day of their entire life. They must smile and act like they enjoy it.
  2. Next, they must write a 10,ooo word essay defending the name they have chosen for their unborn child.
  3. Now the real fun begins. They will be timed on their ability to correctly install, then uninstall, then install again a 5 point harness car seat.
  4. They must cross a busy parking lot with at least one more child than they have hands.
  5. Buy groceries for a family of 5 with 3 kids taking up all the room in the cart.
  6. Stop a public toddler tantrum without using bribery or a muzzle. (There's a twist here. If they spank, someone calls DCFS and they go to jail!)
  7. They must sweep the floor, fold a load of clothes, and cook dinner .... with a baby on their hip.
  8. Navigate a minivan thru an obstacle course all the while reaching back to pass out snacks and retrieve dropped items.
  9. Accomplish 200 random errands (such as getting van estimates all over town) while the kids are in Mother's Day Out. With a very tired baby.
  10. Keep the kids boo-boo free for the two weeks leading up to professional photo appointment.
  11. Take a shower every morning.
  12. Take all 3 children (hypothetically) with them to get well baby shots.
  13. Keep a perfect house.

That ought to do it. And if it doesn't, we'll have them do it in the rain. :-) (sorry, I guess I'm kind of bitter today ...)

25 comments:

Dallas said...

ha ha ha ha ha!!!!!! that is a reality television show i would definitely watch. and laugh when they failed.

good thoughts for today!

AMANDA said...

I would be a faithful watcher! I think the only way it could be better is have a special episode where it is the Dads!

ashleigh said...
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ashleigh said...
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ashleigh said...

okay, let's try this again...

if you were wondering what you could do for a part-time job, perhaps you should consider TV show development.
this is a million-dollar concept!

Although...I would add #14. Field about 14 phone calls per day asking you to volunteer for some job at church, school or community organization. Explain why you don't have time since you are "just" staying home with your kids.

Andria said...

You should pitch this to Marti Cauffman, reality development freak woman. I see potential! Regardless, I'm simply tired after reading all you do, especially since I only have a dog (and he's in Vermont). I admire you moms and hope I'll be able to multi-task as well as you one these day. :)

Greg Brooks said...

I laughed all the way through your list but especially at number 11. It just sounds so simple!

Brian, Jamie, Molly & Sarah said...

Oh, I would so watch that show! And I sympathize with you because I think I have called Ash the past 7 MDO's complaining of rain...why Thursday????

Brian, Jamie, Molly & Sarah said...

Okay, Ash added 14 so I am going to add 15 to your list.

15. Take one phone call, just one a day with your children awake where at some point in time you don't have to put the phone to your shoulder to discipline, comfort, or shush a VERY loud 3 year old.

Chandra said...

Yay, I'm glad I'm not the only one with a grouchy post (B said mine was gripy and uppity(?)), although yours was hilarious and really not grouchy! Seriously, though, I hate going into a restaurant and getting ugly looks or sighs just because I have a child. I can't eat at Chuck E Cheese for the next 15+ years, and I can't get a babysitter every time I want to eat out. And I keep my kid in line except for the occasional "outside" voice that erupts unexpectedly. I don't get people who just automatically don't like kids or parents with kids--they were kids! At least give me a shot first. If my kid proves to be a brat, then sigh and roll your eyes! Sorry, ranting again!:)

Polly said...

Great list!!! You could also add bath time, giving yucky medicine to a screaming child without getting puked on, and opening and closing strollers!

EB said...

Love, Love, Love it!!! Amen Sister...I will be happy to co-write the show with you! Believe me, I have received more than my fair share of those judgemental and rude looks...unfortunately, sometimes by other moms!!! Definately makes me think before I judge!!!
Carrie Brown

Amanda said...

This just made me laugh so hard, so thanks! I needed one of those kind of laughs today. Awesome idea. :)

Sandi said...

You're hilarious -- this is great!

Stephanie said...

That's awesome! I love your creative mind!

Liz said...

This has me in stitches. I just saw a woman yesterday in the grocery store with two of the cutest little girls, but boy were they giving her a hard time. We made eye contact and I smiled and told her her girls were adorable. I thought she was going to cry she looked so relieved, I guess she was getting some stink eyes.

All I could remember was one of my little sisters leaning out of the buggy and slapping a woman on the butt in Wal-Mart and screaming "MOVE" But when she screamed it, it was loud and deep, like a man's voice. You should have seen the glares that garnered!

I would FOR SURE watch that reality show.

Jenn said...

I think this would be one show that could beat American Idol in the ratings!! I'm with ashleigh on the "just because you stay at home" phone calls, too!!
I LOVE it, girl...now we need someone to pitch the show to!! :)

Oh, and one of the children in the cart at the store is always trying to climb out and can't make up their mind if they want to sit in the front or the back of the cart...can you tell that was us yesterday at Target?? Why can little girls sit so still (mostly, they really did) and little boys (Parker) be so climby????

Karen said...

The real challenge would be to also potty train a little boy (who could care less) while complelting all the other tasks listed!
LOVE YOUR BLOG!~

Nikki said...

Paradise Hotel, you may have to google it for your city's tv network. Our's in Charlotte comes on at 10pm and 1am. It is good, but I DVR it so I can watch it later in fast-speed through the commericals. It's better than season one!!! I can't believe they waited 3 years for the second season=)

Amy Barrett said...

Danna this should be published somewhere! You are right on!! Reading that makes motherhood sound like a talent!

Deborah said...

I am CRACKING UP! What a great example you've set in having a sense of humor about the tough job we do every day.

I would totally watch your show!

Anonymous said...

I am sure there are some mothers that would love to do what some of you guys do every day - "just stay at home"! But that's not always possible. And, I'm pretty sure there are a fair share of dads that would take you on as well...some that could WIN the prize on your reality show, too!!

Chad said...

Sounds like it might be a fun show! I'd take the dad challenge, though!! Some men can handle this stuff, too, you know!!

The White Family said...

I think this is the funniest post ever! I would never make it on that show!

Anonymous said...

While I am sure that many days as a stay at home mom can be very stressful, I also know many women who would love to even be able to stay at home with their children but have to work in order to makes ends meet. I admire all mom's, both working and stay at home. I know a lot of dad's that are capable of competing on this show and would also love to be able to stay at home with their kids as well.